


Devil Like Me

by violethoure666



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adopted Rey, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben is a College Freshman, Childhood Friends, College AU, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up Together, Modern AU, Rey and Hux are siblings, Rey is a High School Senior, Winter Break, idiots to lovers, it’s not really Enemies to Lovers but, that’s better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:41:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22456645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violethoure666/pseuds/violethoure666
Summary: He’s surprised by the fact that when he does speak, his voice is even and steady. “Maybe,” Ben says, and his skin feels like it’s on fire— even his blood feels hot, “I just can’t imagine that anyone would wanna fuck you.”
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 227
Kudos: 1415





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Devil Like Me by Rainbow Kitten Surprise and it is my favorite song ever despite the odd band name. I didn’t wanna write this but then I couldn’t not write this so lol. Second chapter is halfway done and hopefully the whole thing will be up by the end of the week.

_What you want from a devil like me, devil like me?  
_ _You see the devil don't mean to be evil_

_He just regrettably forgets to exceed expectation  
_ _Holes riddled in your head, little bit of lead  
_ _Shake it out and line a silhouette_

_Devil Like Me - Rainbow Kitten Surprise_

  
  


Ben Solo has lived down the street from the Huxley family forever. Armitage, who goes by Hux (Ben would too if his name was _Armitage_ ) has been in Ben’s class every year since kindergarten. His little sister Rey is a year below them, which means she has to do another year at Pinewood Elementary when Hux and Ben go off to middle school in the fall, a fact the boys have been reminding her of every chance they get. 

It’s high summer, just a few days after the Fourth of July and the three of them are walking along the creek behind their houses. 

It’s almost annoying, how not annoying Rey is. Most of his friend’s little sisters are a huge pain in the ass, but Rey’s not like that. Ben doesn’t have any siblings, and he doesn’t want any, especially _now_ that he’s almost in middle school, but if he did have to have a sibling well— someone like Rey would be about the best hand he could draw. 

“Okay, here’s the plan,” Rey says, and both boys stop talking to listen to her. Ben isn’t _really_ friends with Rey, he’s friends with Hux. Rey is just usually tagging along and well— here’s the thing about Rey; she has the best ideas. Other little sisters might be thrust upon them by some parental attempt at fairness or interior silence but Rey has never made them slow down. In fact, she’s usually the first one to come up with a dangerous idea like ding dong ditch or dumpster diving or hopping the fence to the skatepark after dark. She’s absolutely fearless. 

“We have thirteen dollars and seventeen cents between us,” she continues. “That’s enough for four bags of doritos and three small slurpees, and if we go to the 7/11 on main we can hang out behind the store on the benches.” 

“What if we wanna play video games,” Hux says. 

“Do you?” Rey asks, rolling her eyes. 

_Yes_ , Ben says just as Hux says _No,_ and Rey rolls her eyes harder. 

“Then go play video games at home. Better yet, we can take the snacks and then play video games.” 

“But I wanna play arcade games,” Ben says, mostly to annoy Rey. He can see her jaw clench, knows she can’t stand the idea of not getting her snacks. 

“Fine, then take your five seventy two and go,” she shrugs, and Ben looks at Hux, who laughs a little, knowing Ben is full of shit. 

“Whatever, we can go play at your place,” Ben says, because he actually doesn’t care. He just likes making Rey roll her eyes. They get four bags of chips and three slurpees and spend an hour behind the 7/11, jumping off the top of the dumpster into the grass below until Mr. Sullivan comes out and yells at them, forcing them to take off on foot as fast as they can. 

Despite the fact that Rey and Ben aren’t even friends, he still does kind of miss her in September when he and Hux start middle school.   
  


***

Ben has always known that Rey is adopted, it’s not a secret or anything. Once, when they are only eight or nine, he tells her that the Huxley’s aren’t her _real_ parents. Rey cries _a lot_ and Hux gets mad at Ben and doesn’t let him come over for almost a week. He still thinks about it, sometimes, late at night, cheeks burning with shame. Rey is adopted, and it’s whatever. She was adopted when she was only three years old, and Ben thinks it’s part of why Hux is so protective of her, why he’s always let her tag along. It’s important to him that Rey feels like she belongs, and she does. She even looks the Huxley’s, all long limbs and pale skin and freckles. 

But Ben can’t stop thinking about the luck of the draw, the fact that Rey lives in Hux’s house, right next door, that she gets to be Hux’s family and… and not his. 

He’s not sure when exactly this thought really took root. 

It could be in third grade when his mom comes over while they’re playing and tells him it’s time to go. and he _begs_ her to let him live at the Huxley’s for good, crying that it isn’t fair they get to stay and play and he doesn’t.

It could be in eighth grade, when they all go to a pool party together and Rey wears a two piece. He has never seen so much of her skin, and certainly not so much skin since her body changed. He tries not to look at the little shapes of her breasts or how her nipples poke out when she gets out of the water and absolutely fails so he fakes a stomach ache to go home and feel guilty.

It could be when he starts ninth grade and actually _does_ miss Rey, this time, is actually kind of jealous of Finn, Rey’s new best friend, which is ridiculous because Rey isn’t even _really_ his friend and he still sees her almost every day. 

It might be in tenth grade, when she starts high school with them and starts eating lunch with them, laughing at Ben’s jokes even when he’s an absolute dick to her. He _tries_ to be a dick to her, makes it his goal. 

“Do your makeup in the dark today, Rey?” He asks with a little smirk when she starts wearing eyeliner, making her blush. He always jumps out at her from behind corners to make her scream, even though she’s begged him not to do it. His personal favorite is asking her, “Don’t you have _real_ friends to eat with?” every day at lunch. 

And Rey well— she can give it just as well as she takes it. Her eyes light up when Ben digs into her, the thrill of a challenge. She refers to his ears as his _personal satellites_ , always asking if he can pick up signals from Australia. She makes a habit of knocking his binder down whenever she passes him in class or the library. Once, when he complains about being tired before first period during junior year, she scolds him for staying up all night watching Hentai right as a group of freshmen pass by, and then when he sprays her with his water bottle she chases him all the way across the quad. 

So Rey isn’t really his _friend_ , even if they are _friendly_ , and she very much isn’t his family and she definitely isn’t ever going to be _anything_ else. Ben knows this without any doubt because, well— the older they get, the more one thing becomes crystal clear; not only is Rey brave, and smart, and funny— she’s beautiful. Like, really, _really_ beautiful. She just keeps getting prettier and Ben— well. He knows he’s not _handsome_ and that’s fine, he doesn’t need to be like some hot guy— but he seriously drew the short straw in the looks department. By ninth grade he realizes that he’s not just _not hot_ he’s _absolutely ugly._

This fact has been brought to his attention a handful of times and each memory is seared into his mind. Bazine Netal laughing at his ears in fourth grade, Poe Dameron telling him he had a face only a mother could love in seventh, his mother's friend Nina telling his dad _he is an odd looking kid,_ and an aunt whispering _shame about the nose_ so yeah, he _gets_ it. He is doomed to be weird looking for the rest of his life while girls like Rey do whatever it is beautiful girls do. He tries not to let it make him bitter, but — well Ben is too quick to anger anyway, too ready to slice with words or his fists and Rey slowly becomes the source of so much of that contention. 

He can’t stop looking at her little wrists, the skin on her thighs when she’s in shorts, the way her ass has filled out into something foreign and ridiculous, the way she laughs with her entire face, shows all her teeth and it isn’t even embarrassing at all. She’s everywhere. In his film class, at his lunch table, stopping by his house with leftovers from her parents, playing videos games with her brother in the basement, rolling joints in the backseat of his Volvo, leaning over him to grab a soda and letting her perfume waft over him. By the time graduation comes around, he’s looking forward to the escape. He needs to get away from Rey, he’s been having _so_ much trouble tearing his thoughts away from her all year, it’s bordering on a form of mania. Is it possible to be addicted to the sound of someone’s laugh? To the shape of their face when they look at you with pure contention? He’s really lost it. 

When he first gets to college, gets settled in his down, he feels intense relief at escaping except… well Hux is there too, they’re roommates, and Ben keeps thinking about how he’s living with the wrong Huxley. He thinks it so often he has to make sure he doesn’t say it outloud. Being away from Rey doesn’t make him think about her any less, which is some kind of dark witchcraft if you ask Ben, but it does make the feelings a little bit duller. 

State is _full_ of pretty girls, a lot of whom have tinkling laughter or long legs or _freckles_ . It would probably help if these girls, if _any_ girl at all, wanted anything to do with Ben, but he is used to being categorically ignored. Hux fares better, meeting a cute chick named Rose before thanksgiving and promptly getting _busy._ It’s fucking gross, but whatever. 

Ben is used to looking and not touching anyway, so this shouldn’t be any different, and it’s not really different except somehow it is worse. 

***

Ben and Hux drive back home together for winter break. It’s a seven hour drive fueled by Red Bulls, fast food, and loud music in a car that smells like body spray and farts. They pull up a little after nine at night, it’s been dark for hours and Ben is dying to just _not_ be sitting anymore. 

“You gonna come say hi to Rey?” Hux asks. 

Ben shrugs, his mind warring. There is a part of him that desperately wants to see Rey, and a part of him that knows his desperation is pathetic and does everything possible to downplay it out of existence. 

“I don’t know man, I’m pretty tired,” Ben says, but the rest of his sentence is choked off by a squeal, and then Rey is charging toward them across the lawn, boots hastily thrown on, not even tied. She launches herself at her brother. 

“I’ve been waiting _all day,”_ she whines, letting go of Hux and turning to Ben. 

He looks at her and swallows, it’s kind of hard to— his throat is so dry. She’s got her hair pulled up and no makeup on and she’s in a ratty coat and loose boots and she’s the prettiest girl he’s ever seen. For a split second he has no idea what to do at all, it’s as if he’s never interacted with her— with any human being— but then she launches herself into his arms too. 

“I missed you guys _so_ much, it’s been so boring.” She says these words into Ben’s neck, her breath hot and damp against his skin and he gently pushes her off him stepping back. He’s not a hugger.

“Come on, I’ll help carry stuff,” Rey says, opening the back seat and grabbing a bag. 

“I have to go see my parents,” Ben says. Rey stops, sighs and puts her hands on her hips, as if this is an inconvenience to her. 

“Okay well— come over after, yeah?” 

Ben shrugs, and Rey narrows her eyes. He’s being weird, he doesn’t meant to be, it’s just this much Rey after such a long time without her has him reeling. 

“Maybe,” he says. 

Rey shrugs, not meeting his eyes, and hauls off back toward the house. 

Hux looks at Ben and his expression is withering. 

“Dude, come hang out,” he says. Then, after a pause, he adds, “She missed you,”. 

Ben shrugs again like he doesn’t care and Hux looks at him a little too smug and knowing before shrugging himself. “Well, you know where we’ll be,” the redhead says with a smile and then he takes off across the lawn to his house. 

***

For some reason he doesn’t really understand, being home feels immediately oppressive. It’s good to be back, and it’s comforting, and he missed his parents just fine and all but something about having them fuss over him— about excusing himself and closing the door of his former bedroom, it makes his skin crawl. It was always hard for Ben to be stuck in here, and time away has not made that any easier. He thought maybe it would be like a reset, that a few months away at school would clear the slate enough that he could potentially handle another eighteen years of parental meddling and the hot girl next door. Instead it’s like the last few months zapped him if any tolerance he had built up. He thinks of Rey like poison, a little drop every day made him relatively immune but now he has no ability to handle it. 

There’s a knock on his door and it pushes open before he can even say _who is it_ or _come in_ or _I’m jerking off so enter at your own risk._

“Hi sweetheart,” his mom says, “do you wanna come watch America’s Got Talent with us? It’s gonna be a good one.” 

“Oh uh,” Ben doesn’t want to, he wants to go running or maybe drinking or maybe fight someone instead. “I told Hux and Rey I’d come hang out, but if you want me to cancel…” 

“Oh no,” she says, like he knew she would. “You should go see Rey, I know she’s been lonely.” 

Ben tries not to have any feelings about that statement but it still sparks both sadness and resentment and a sick pleasure.

“I guess,” he says, waiting for his mom to leave. 

“Well I’m sure you kids will have fun,” she says, and Ben smiles with his mouth closed as she backs out of his room, leaving the door ajar— she knows he hates that. 

He knows he’s in a bad mood when he slams the door without meaning to, and when he trudges out of the house without a word to his parents, and when he feels like his skin is too tight as Brendol Huxley opens the door and offers him a friendly handshake. 

He shouldn’t have come here, but he can’t exactly walk out now and even so he told his parents he was leaving and the idea of _more driving_ sounds exhausting in its own right, so he treads the familiar path through the house and to the basement. He can hear the sounds of video games, Hux laughing and Rey cursing as he pads down the carpeted stairs and breaths in l the familiar basement smell. 

“Ben!” Rey says, her voice dripping with delight but her eyes not leaving the screen. “Come sit, when I die in a minute you can take over.” 

“I’m good,” Ben says, sitting down on the floor closer to Hux. Rey dies and she groans.

“I’m over this,” she tosses the controller down. “Plus I haven’t seen you guys in months, tell me everything. How’s college?” 

Rey is looking at him with wide eyes and Jesus Christ— has she gotten prettier since he left or did he just forget? He thinks about her all the time, thought he had her memorized but whatever mental image he managed to scrape together pales in comparison to the woman smiling at him. 

“It’s great,” Hux says, reaching for a bowl of chips that’s sitting on the coffee table. 

“Schools great or Rose is great?” Rey says to her brother, teasing. Hux rolls his eyes but he’s smiling. 

“They’re insufferable,” Ben says, “honestly disgusting.” 

“Hey now Benny, you’re just jealous because you have gotten _any_ since we started college— oh wait, or in high school either, huh?” Hux scratches his head in exaggerated contemplation. 

“Really?” Rey says. Her tone is incredulous and her eyes are on him. He wants to murder Hux. 

“I mean whatever,” he says, but he knows his cheeks are burning. “You’re one to talk, it’s not like you aren’t little miss super virgin.” 

Rey blushes and smiles. “ _Actually_ ,” she says, shrugging a little. “I guess I have you beat there.” 

“No way,” Hux says, “With who? Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because it’s not like, a _thing_. I met him at Finn’s birthday party but he doesn’t go to Pinewood so—“ she shrugs. 

Ben snorts. She’s full of shit, she’s gotta be absolutely full of shit… right? “The ‘he goes to a different school’ line? Really Rey?” 

“He does!” she says, and Hux gives her a withering but friendly look. 

“You guys are ridiculous,” Rey says, turning her eyes back to Ben. “Maybe that’s why I didn’t tell you.” 

Is she fucking serious? Did she seriously hook up with some— some random kid? Let some loser rub his hands and mouth and cock all over her— he can’t even think about it. A rush of anger threatens to overtake him completely. He’s surprised by the fact that when he does speak, his voice is even and steady. “ _Maybe_ ,” Ben says, and his skin feels like it’s on fire— even his blood feels hot, “I just can’t imagine that _anyone_ would wanna fuck you.” 

As soon as the words are out, he wants to swallow them back up. Rey goes pale, blinks a few times and Ben’s anger is gone, the cold rush of shame taking its place.

“Dude,” Hux says, but it sounds like _what the fuck_. 

“Welp. I’m gonna go to bed,” Rey says, and she isn’t like, crying or screaming at him, but somehow this is much worse. Usually she would smack him or tackle him or tease him back but she looks— just fucking sad and he feels like the biggest piece of shit alive. 

“Rey,” he says, and he hopes it sounds _I’m sorry_ but he’s pretty sure it sounds like _don’t make this a big deal_ and she smiles tightly, grabs the bowl of chips and leaves the boys alone. 

“Smooth,” Hux says, as soon as Rey is gone and the door has closed behind her.

Ben knows if he stays he’ll say something just as bad to Hux, so he waits only long enough that he’s sure he won’t run into her before grabbing his coat and stomping back up the stairs and into the cold night. 

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is definitely fucking with him. He knows it’s some kind of retaliation from the thing he said. The only answer that he can come up with is that she’s trying to make him eat his words, to admit that he does find her attractive so she can win this round and rub it in his face for the rest of their lives. 
> 
> Thanks, but no thanks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda weird tbh. Ben has the worst case of foot in mouth ever and Rey is not gonna let him live it down. Idk what to even tag this, but there’s some incredibly emotionally repressed and non communicative fondling happening at the end. If you want a tag added let me know ❤️

Ben feels like absolute shit. He walks around for a few hours before finally going home, once he’s sure his parents are sleeping. He debates texting Rey to say sorry, but decides not to. He should tell her in person. He lies in bed and waits for the sun to come up, then he waits for it to be a reasonable hour before getting dressed and heading over to the Huxley’s. He finds Rey in the kitchen, dressed for the day and drinking coffee.

“Hi,” he says, and he sounds weirdly out of breath. 

“Hi?” Her tone is cool, but not icy. She’s leaning against the counter with a mug in her hands. “What’s up?” 

“I’m sorry,” Ben says, “I was out of line, I’m— it was just a long day and weird to be back home and I just— I’m sorry, I should never have said that.” 

Rey looks at him carefully, bringing her cup to her lips and sipping. He can smell the coffee, and pine from the Christmas tree in the next room. The Solo’s are Jewish and he never gets enough real pine scent in winter, unless he’s over here. 

“It’s fine,” she says, shrugging. “I mean, it was pretty mean but I guess that’s just like, what we do, right?” 

“I guess,” Ben says. It’s not what he wants to do right now, not what he wants to do ever again. 

“And I mean, listen, I know that you don’t find me attractive or whatever, that’s not a big shock to me—“ 

“No,” Ben says, shaking his head. “No— I—“ he closes his eyes. How can he fix this without confessing everything? Without humiliating himself? He can just hear her answer now: _Oh wow Ben I’m flattered but uhm, you know it’s not like that, with us? Right? We can still be friends?_ So no. Honesty is not an option here.

“What?” Rey asks, her voice a half whisper. “What is it, Ben?” 

“You’re just like— like a little sister to me, that’s all.” 

It’s probably the worst thing he could say. What kind of person deliberately paints themselves into the friendzone? An idiot, that’s who. Rey’s eyes narrow into slits. She doesn’t speak for a minute, turns away from him to search through the pantry, finds the cinnamon sticks and takes her time picking one out and using it to stir her coffee. He has time to take the words back; he doesn’t. 

When Rey’s eyes find his again there is a sharp glint to them he knows too well. Trouble. 

“That makes sense,” she says. 

_No, it doesn’t._

“Right.” Ben doesn’t know what to do. He’s made everything worse, somehow. He should just go back and spend winter break alone on his dorm room. “So anyway, are we good?” 

Rey puts her cup down and looks at Ben. She _really_ looks at him. It’s such a penetrative stare that Ben almost confesses all over again, sure that she can see right through him to his twisted guts. 

“Sure,” she smiles, “we’re good Solo. For now,” she winks and takes her cup back off the counter. “Come on, Armi’s in the shower but he’ll be done soon and then we have to go do the shopping for tonight, we’re gonna trim the tree. You can help us carry everything.” 

Ben is so glad Rey didn’t tell him to fuck off to next year that he nods eagerly, and doesn’t even complain at all in the store.   
  


***

Running on no sleep and the joint they split on the way back from the market has Ben’s cognitive abilities disintegrating. He leaves Hux and Rey to go home and nap before dinner, and when he wakes up he feels at least marginally better. So what if Rey thinks his feelings for her are fraternal, it’s not as if anything else was ever going to happen anyway. This is better than having to see her face soften with pity, having to hear that she’s _flattered but_ — he can’t handle that shit. 

It’s not like Rey to let things go so easily, though. Once, in eighth grade, he slipped hot sauce in the middle of the oreo cookies she brought for lunch. She threw up at the lunch table and then spent six months fucking with his food every chance she got. She would sprinkle sand over everything, just enough that it was hard to see and impossible not to crunch. Now that Ben is well rested, he wonders if she let him off easy on purpose, if she’s going to fuck with him about being a virgin or bring up what he said in front of her family.

He also wonders if maybe she _is_ hurt by what he said, but he’s able to talk himself out of the notion that his opinion matters to her within a few minutes. 

Still, he’s weirdly nervous when he sets out across the lawn. 

“Ben!” Mr. Huxley says with a smile. “Come on in kiddo it’s freezing.” 

Ben walks into the kitchen and takes his coat off, hanging it by the door. 

“Hi Sweetheart,” Amilyn says, ushering in to hug Ben. “Are your parents coming? Your mom said something about a city counsel meeting?”

“Yeah, I don’t think they can make it until later, but she said she’ll try to make it over for a drink later.” 

“Excellent, the kids are in the living room getting everything set up.” 

Ben smiles and leaves the kitchen, following the scent of pine and the sound of Louis Armstrong singing about Christmas. All of Ben’s Christmas memories center around this house, these smells, this family. 

“Hey,” he says to Hux when he finds him opening boxes and carefully placing ornaments on the table. 

“Sup.”

“Where’s Rey?” 

“She’s getting dressed still,” Hux says, placing a few shiny, blue balls down next to him. 

“Cool,” Ben says, but he can’t make his eyes stop wandering around aimlessly— waiting to see Rey again. You’d think that since he was so eager to see her that he’d be prepared for when she did come downstairs and yet— nope. 

It’s just that— Rey is— well she’s kind of dressed up. She’s got makeup on, more than she ever does, and her hair is soft and curled gently. She’s got a black shirt tucked into white, high waisted shorts that barely cover her ass. 

“Wow,” Hux says in a tone that is more admonishment than wonder, which is what the situation deserves. 

“What?” Rey’s tone is defensive. 

“Nothing,” Hux says, but he’s obviously trying not to laugh. 

Rey puts her hands on her hips, turning toward her brother and Ben van see the way her ass is sticking out of the bottom of the shorts. 

“What?!” she says again, throwing her hands up. 

“No you look— very nice,” Hux can’t help the little snort of laughter. “Doesn’t she look really nice, Ben.” 

“Yes,” Ben says, because she does and because he’s been enough of a dick for the last twenty-four hours.

“You look totally beach ready,” Hux continues, “I read recently that shorts are the new fleece lined leggings.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Rey says, swatting Hux. “It’s not like it’s cold inside.” 

Hux gives her a _look_ and Rey rolls her eyes. 

“Okay, who’s ready for eggnog?” Amilyn says, coming into the room with a smile. “Rey you’re going to freeze,” she says, but she doesn’t comment further. 

“Is it spiked?” Rey asks. 

“Yes, so go slow and everyone is getting cut off after two.”

Rey takes a glass with a smile. She selects a delicate gold hummingbird and brings it over to the tree, standing on her toes to slide it onto a high branch. Ben watches the muscles of her legs flex, the way her ass tightens as she stretches up. He sips his eggnog in silence.

Brennan and Amilyn keep handing him ornaments. “Here Ben, you do this one, you always do this one,” and “you’re tall Ben you can get this on that branch.” 

It’s actually physically painful to look away from Rey, his eyes keep dragging back over to her legs no matter what he does. It’s not like he hasn’t seen them before, he’s seen her shorts, in swim suits! This shouldn’t be effecting him like this. He’s nineteen not twelve. 

“Ben… Ben?” 

“What?” Ben says, snapping his head up. 

“Why are you staring at me?” Rey asks. Her cheeks are flushed from the eggnog, her skin is paler than it was in summer, her cheeks are so rosy. 

“What?”

“Is there something on me?” Rey turns on a little circle, looking at her own ass before turning back to him. “Or is it just _gross_ to see so much of me?” 

Ben has no idea what to say. He _knew_ this wasn’t over, but he isn’t sure what she’s playing at now. He’s waiting for the other shoe to drop, and his brain is only half connected to his mouth. 

“What?” 

Rey smirks at him, turning around to look at the ornaments on the table. She brushes past Ben and he steps back, but she’s still sort of crowding him, her back to his chest as she leans over to select one. Her ass presses back into him and he moves so fast he accidentally knocks over one of the glass balls waiting to be hung.

“Shit, sorry,” he says, turning red.

“Don't worry,” Amilyn says, “it wouldn’t be Christmas without a little broken glass!” She has a small broom and dustpan handy, and Ben takes it from her before she can bend down. He crouches, sweeping up the glass and trying to slow his heart. When he stands, Rey is watching him, giving him a knowing look. He slinks off to throw the broken bulb in the trash. 

Rey comes into the kitchen after him, opening the fridge and taking a can of sparkling water. He looks at her, and then away, and then back again. Everything is so weird right now. He’s never been this awkward around her. His eyes drag down her legs again and she snorts. 

“Aren’t you like— cold?” 

“No,” she says, smiling a little bit. “Actually I’m really _hot_ right now.” 

“Oh?” 

She walks a little closer to him, reaches down for one of his hand and takes it in both of hers. She brings it up to her forehead and presses it there. 

“Do I feel warm to you?” 

Ben blinks down at her, presses his palm against her skin. 

“N-no you feel good, I mean fine— it’s fine.” 

He doesn’t move his hand away, hers are still holding it and he can’t pull away. She turns her eyes up to him, smirks and lets his hand fall. 

“Must be the eggnog,” she shrugs and picks her drink up from the counter, turning her back to him. 

He watches her ass as she walks away, and, if he’s being honest, for the rest of the night.   
  


*******

Rey is definitely fucking with him. He knows it’s some kind of retaliation from _the_ _thing_ he said. The only answer that he can come up with is that she’s trying to make him eat his words, to admit that he does find her attractive so she can win this round and rub it in his face for the rest of their lives. 

Thanks, but no thanks. He’s not going to let her win. Besides, what can she really do, anyway? Show off her legs or stand a little closer to him? He can handle that. Definitely he can handle that. 

He stays away for two days, anyway. It’s Christmas Eve and Christmas Day which is not something he’s a part of, but eventually he knows ignoring them further would be awkward and weird, especially since they just got a Nintendo Switch and a ton of new games. Sighing heavily, Ben crunches across the frozen lawn and lets himself in to the Huxley’s house. 

It’s quiet upstairs, but he can hear sound from the basement as he pads down the stairs. 

“Hey,” Rey says, not looking up from the game. It’s just her, sitting cross legged in pajamas on the couch. 

“Sup, where’s Hux?” 

“He got roped into helping dad at Home Depot, they’ll be back in a bit.” 

It would be rude and ridiculous for him to leave, so he sits down on the couch, leaving a lot of space between them. 

“Here,” she says, hanging him the controller, “you play for a while.” 

It doesn’t take him long to get the hang of it, it’s a new

Mario game and it’s _really_ fun, and it gives his eyes something to focus on that isn’t Rey.

“Does this guy look creepy to you?” she asks him, shoving her phone in his face. Ben is forced to pause the game and look down. There’s a picture of some jock named _Chip_ and a little bio that says _Bad at small talk, good at deep convos._

“Is— are you on Tinder?” 

“Yeah, so?” 

“Isn’t that— like so sketchy?” 

She shrugs. “Not really, I mean I’m 18 and it’s mostly kids from the city college and stuff, it’s not like this is New York City or something.” 

“He looks creepy,” Ben says, his eyes blazing and his voice hard. “Definitely.” 

Rey hums, looking at her phone. “He does kind have that _really into hentai_ vibe, doesn’t he?” 

“What is with you and hentai? Why do you always bring it up? Do you actually watch it?” 

Rey bites her lip and shrugs, a coy smile on his face. 

“I mean, we could like— watch it together?” 

Bens entire world freezes, crashes down around him. Is she serious? His mouth is dry and in a single instant he can hear anime girls moaning loudly and imagines Rey sliding her hand down her pants while she watches some thigh high clad fuckdoll get pounded. He blinks away the image, shaking his head and she starts cracking up. 

“Obviously not us, moron, I meant me and Chip.” 

Ben is breathing too fast, his hands ball up into fists. He has no idea what to say. She’s definitely fucking with him and he so badly wants to feign indifference but he has never been good at lying, his mother always said that his eyes give everything away. 

“Obviously,” Ben bites out, “a match made in heaven.” 

Rey sighs loudly and says, “Yeah but what if he’s judgy, one of those super vanilla guys who doesn’t let their girlfriends watch porn?”

“So you’re his girlfriend now,” Ben says, and he’s really losing it. What does she want him to do here? “Cool,” he says, aiming for calm and landing somewhere between serial killer and robot. 

Rey laughs and says, “Relax Ben, I’m not anybody’s girlfriend until I know for sure they don’t mind me jerking off to whatever weird porn I want, preferably right along with them.” 

Ben’s face gets even redder, but all he can say is, “How weird?” which makes Rey’s eyes light up. 

“I saw this video,” she says, and her voice is lower, her body closer. Ben swallows, looks down at her body and then cuts his eyes back to her face, settles on her mouth. “It was definitely weird, but for some reason it was so hot? It—” she breaks off in a little giggle. 

“It what?” Ben asks, and his voice is lower too, his head inching closer— he’s losing this fucking game, of course he is. 

Rey licks her lips, looks into his eyes— and the door to the basement swings open, heavy feet pound down the stairs. She sits back with a sad little shru and Ben’s head is fucking reeling as Hux barrels in. 

Guess who I just ran into,” he says, a little out of breath. He doesn’t wait for an answer before saying, “Poe, and he’s having a party tonight, wants us all to come.”

“Nice,” Rey says, smiling in a way that shows all her teeth. “I need to get out of this house.” She stands and stretches so that her shirt rides up a little and Ben looks at the floor. “I’m gonna get dressed, we can grab food and then head over?” 

“Sounds good,” Hux says, taking the controller from the couch and shuffling through games. “You in Ben?” 

Ben also needs to get out of this house, and it will be good to see everyone, to be able to have some breathing room from Rey. 

“Sure,” he says. “Sounds good.” 

*******

Poe’s house is big, and his parents left the day after christmas for Costa Rica, so they have the entire place to themselves. It feels like most of their high school is here, all the kids who graduated in the spring and are back for the holidays mixed in with the current seniors and a handful of juniors. It’s too cold to be outside, so everyone is upstairs in the living room, and the kitchen, and the dining room, and the family room. They’re playing Oculus Rift, or beer pong, or passing a blunt around the kitchen island. A few kids hang are on the balcony, smoking cigarettes.

No one is in the yard. Just Ben. 

He’s sitting in an adirondack chair under the balcony, which has kept the patio furniture relatively dry, and smoking a cigarette while his fingers freeze. His gloves are in the car, which they had decided would be left where it sat overnight once they saw the massive bar laid out in the kitchen. 

Ben hasn’t drank in a while, he isn’t a big drinker, and he didn’t even drink that much tonight, just enough to make him feel pathetic and a little less coordinated than he normally is. 

He thought the party would be a good distraction, but the entire time he spends inside he’s trying to distract himself, his eyes keep looking for Rey. 

Even now, he can’t stop thinking about where she is and what she’s doing and _who_ she might be doing it with. He pulls on a cigarette he bummed from someone before coming down here and now it’s almost gone. He should just call an Uber, this night has no potential to get better but immense potential for getting worse.

He’s just decided on it when he hears a twig snap, and someone comes around the corner, looking into the shadows where he sits. 

“Ben? I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Rey says as she walks over to him, rubbing her arms through her coat. “Aren’t you freezing?”!

“I didn’t notice,” Ben says, but he flexes his frozen fingers as Rey gets closer. Her eyes are bright, and she looks like trouble wrapped in a parka. She moves so close to him, he can feel the heat of her pussy against his knee even though they’re not quite touching. His breath puffs up around them like smoke, even though the cigarette is out. 

She reaches for his hands, and he lets her take them. He can hear noise from upstairs, laughter on the patio, but down here it’s quiet. 

“You’re freezing,” she whispers, bringing his hands to her mouth, breathing warm air on them. 

Freezing, frozen— he is ice all the way through except where she touches him, where warmth blooms lightning hot between his skin and hers. 

“I’ll be okay—“ his voice cracks on the last word because she pushes closer to him, so his thigh is between her legs, and then she sits down. On his lap. On his leg. He can feel how hot she is, her leggings are fleece lined but they’re soft, and hold the heat of her body well. He can’t touch her, she’s holding his hands still. 

“Sorry,” she says, but she doesn’t make any move to get off of him, and all he could possibly say is the sound of his heart, if he were to open his mouth, which he doesn’t. “I know you must hate this.” 

There’s a playful glint in her eye, trouble, so much trouble. He finds his voice. 

“You’re drunk,” he tells her. 

“I’m really not,” she whispers, and he wishes he didn’t believe her. 

This is all a game, she’s mad at him in a way she’s never been mad at him before and he deserves it, this time, but he also can’t lose because if he loses this he loses— _everything_. 

She rocks up against him and he feels the weight of her body roll against his dick through his jeans and his breath catches. Rey lets go of his hands, but she doesn’t move away. Instead she uses her now free hands to grab his shoulders, tugging on his coat. He reaches to steady her instinctively— through no pattern of thought he can discern. His hands just find her hips when they roll again. 

“Is this _gross_ , to you, Ben?” Her words cloud the air between them with hot, damp tendrils of condensation, and he _inhales_ her. She leans in closer to him, looks him in the eyes. “It’s not something you should do with a _little sister,_ is it?” 

Shit— shit, shit, shit. 

He _knew_ she had an angle here, he even _knew_ what it was. But he isn’t strong enough to tell her to stop, and so she will know for sure, by the end of this, exactly how he feels about her. His body is already making sure of that— she must already be able to feel— 

The seam of her leggings is pressing against him again, running along the shape of him. 

He can’t tell her no, but he won’t tell her yes. He can have that shred of dignity, at least. 

He closes his eyes as his head falls back and his fingers tighten on Rey, gripping the material of her coat. He lets himself push up against her and can’t stop the little sound he makes, it’s humiliating. He keeps his eyes shut but he can hear Rey working herself against him, the way she’s breathing loudly and close to his neck. She feels too good to be true. Her hips get faster— faster— stutter. She gasps his name and he feels her twitching a little, she’s really putting on a show, isn’t she? Knows exactly what to do to make him lose it. He opens his eyes to look at her, if her face is red from the cold and the way she’s moving, it’s just barely too dark to see it. Her eyes shine, so do her lips— _her_ _lips_ ; parted as she catches her breath. Her movements are a little slower now, more even, but she isn’t stopping, she’s relentless and he’s barely holding on. 

“Is it really true?” Every other word is punctuated with a roll of her hips. He raises his eyes to hers. “You really can’t imagine _anyone_ wanting to fuck me, Ben?” 

The way she says _fuck me_ , _Ben_ sounds like she’s saying _fuck me Ben_ and that’s all it takes. He curses softly as his eyes slam shut and his dick twitches. Rey’s hand is on his face, against his ear, his cheek, and he can’t help the way he leans into it as he starts to cum. He twitches against her soft center, he wants to be inside of her, he wants to live inside of her. 

As he comes down he feels a strange sense of calm, because who is he kidding? She was always going to find out— sooner or later, Hux has always known even if Ben has never said it, and if he has to go down well… oh what a way to go. 

She wins. Of course she does. She has beaten him at everything, and she always will, and so it should be.

This was, at the very least, the end. No more waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now it’s _so_ many shoes, as far as the eye can see, all of them silent and unmanned. 

Rey slumps against him a little bit, breathing into his neck and she is as warm as the sun, even if everything around them is dangerously cold. 

He gives himself a minute, to make sure his legs are numb and to convince himself even if someone were to pass him as he walks to the corner, it’s too dark in his black jeans for them to see how wet they are. 

“Rey,” he says, and it’s the first thing he’s said to her since— since before. Minutes ago, lifetimes. She looks at him, expectant. What could she possibly expect at this point, for him to grovel? “My leg is going numb, can you get off me.” 

“Oh,” she says, and whatever she expected— it obviously wasn’t this. She stands, fixing her coat, and Ben takes a deep breath before he stands also, and she crowds him, reaches for him— like she’s greedy for more than he’s given her, which seems ridiculous. 

“I gotta go,” he says, stepping away from her. “You uh— you win.” 

He turns around before he can see her face finish cycling through emotions, and doesn’t look back when she calls his name.  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't already, follow me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/violethoure666) :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is so weird lol. Happy VD everyone ;)

Ben’s rage rises front and center before he gets home. He’s got cum drying in his jeans in the backseat of an Uber blasting Bat Mitzvah remixes of Black Eyes Peas and Lil Wayne and he wants to die by the time he gets home. He can’t even go in right away, his desire to slam the door or wreck the kitchen is so strong that he stands outside of his own front door for five minutes, trying to calm down. He can’t calm down. He punches the brick exterior instead. 

Pain— sharp and hot, splitting his skin and traveling up his bones to his teeth. He curses, instantly regretting the decision but feeling his rage subside. It worked. He collects himself before going inside, padding as quietly as he can downstairs. 

His house and Rey’s house are almost identical inside; just flipped around. In the Huxley house, the basement is a gameroom. In the Solo house, it’s all Ben’s. His parents have always enjoyed keeping him a bit removed from the rest of their things.

He strips out of his clothes and barrels into the shower, wincing as the water hits his bloody knuckles. He lets the water wash the grit out before braving soap and rising off the rest of his body. There’s jizz dried up on his dick and it’s humiliating to even think about. 

He can’t quite sort through his feelings, doesn’t want to. There is such deep sadness there that the anger is preferable. Maybe he can convince himself that he really does hate Rey. This all makes it easier, at least. 

Eventually he turns the water off, towels himself dry and slips into sweat pants and a hoodie, fishing his phone out of his jeans before throwing them in the laundry basket. He’ll have to make sure he does this load and not mom,  _ Christ that’s embarrassing.  _

He’s got six texts from Rey. Somehow he wasn’t expecting that. Part of him doesn’t want to even read them, but then he decides he’ll read them but not answer.

**Rey** : did you leave? 

**Rey** : I’m on my way home can we talk? 

**Rey** : are you up? I forgot my keys 

**Rey** : seriously I’m locked out and it’s freezing 

**Rey** : you can go right back to being mad at me if you just don’t let me freeze 

**Rey:** I’m on you porch 

**Rey** : Ben…. Please…. 

Rolling his eyes, he takes a deep breath. He can’t leave her out there to freeze, obviously. 

Quietly, he heads back upstairs and opens the front door. Rey is there, shivering hard. 

“Hi,” she says, her cheeks are red. She’s cold. Ben stands back to let her in. 

“There’s a spare key in the junk drawer in kitchen, I’m sure—“ 

But Rey doesn’t walk into the kitchen, she walks through the house and down into Ben’s room. His anger threatens to return in full force, but he swallows it down and follows her. 

In the light, she looks even worse. She’s red faced but maybe it’s not from the cold, her eyes are red too and glassy, still swimming with tears. 

“I have a key upstairs,” he says again, feeling stupid. He doesn’t want her here right now— ever, probably, but even that feels untrue. He just needs some time, maybe. A few years before he can safely come back home. 

“I have my keys,” she says, and Ben swallows, his breathing gets a little quicker. God, his hand hurts. “I’m— I’m so sorry,” Rey’s voice breaks on the last word, and she presses her hand to her mouth. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t— I am  _ such _ a fucking— horrible,  _ horrible _ person. I’m standing here torn between begging you not to tell anyone and wanting to turn myself in to the fucking cops.” 

Ben can’t even be glad that she feels bad for fucking with him, he just wants this to be over. He’s tired of this game, tired of pretending, tired of trying to win when there is no winning.

“Rey, stop— just let it go, for both of our sakes?” 

“Did I hurt you?” She’s still crying, not listening to him. “Did I— did I  _ forc _ e _ you _ because I will never forgive myself, Ben, if I— if I just like—  _ assaulted you  _ or something?” 

Shes working herself into hysteria and Ben moves toward her, shushing her softly because his parents are asleep and she’s obviously upset and— 

She closes the space between them instantly, presses her face into his chest, softly, but it knocks the wind out of him. Slowly he puts his hand on her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” she sobs. “I never would have— I  _ never _ would have done that if I really thought you didn’t want me to.” 

Ben stiffens, pushing Rey back from him so he can look down at her. 

“That’s your red line? Fucking with me is fine as long as you know that I can’t say no, as long as my feelings are real, it makes it okay?” 

Rey’s eyes dart away from him and back, confused. 

“I didn’t— I mean, I thought that’s just what we did? That’s like, our brand of flirting,” she shrugs. “I mean, I thought this was mutual, I didn’t think you— you know—  _ meant it _ when you said you didn’t want— that you wouldn’t— want to be with me—“ She stops talking and presses her eyes closed. “This is really fucking embarrassing.” 

Ben nods, because yeah, it is, and because she’s kind of lost him.  _ Flirting?  _ Is that what she thinks this is? And isn't it obvious, by now, how he feels? She seriously needs him to spell it out for her? 

“Rey,” he says, as softly as he can. “I just— I just don’t—“ he doesn’t know what to say. He flounders. 

“What did you mean,” she asks him. “When you said  _ I won, _ what did you mean?”

“Just that— now you know, you know?” 

“No.” 

Ben swallows and makes a desperate little sound, awkward. It’s not like it can get any worse, at least. 

“Now you know that I— that of  _ course _ I want you, that I always— always did. I mean, that’s what this all was, right? Trying to get me to admit it, trying to prove that I— that obviously I— I mean you are—” 

He shrugs helplessly. Rey looks serious. Sad and confused. 

“Then what the  _ fuck _ was that!?” 

Ben closes his mouth and works his jaw as anger rises again, he takes a deep breath before saying, “I could ask you the same thing!” but it still sounds too harsh. 

Rey throws her hands up, scoffing. 

“You just told me you DO want me in the same breath you’re trying to excuse  _ running _ from me when I— after we—“ 

Ben looks at her like she’s stupid, which is new. 

“ _ Yes _ ? Because this is, and always has been,  _ incredibly  _ one-sided? You know that, you have to know that I— what I feel for you? I mean why else would you— you know— fuck with me like that?”

Rey steps back from him. 

“I didn’t  _ know _ Ben, I  _ hoped _ .” Ben blinks down at her, her words bouncing around his empty brain, trying to catch on something— anything. Rey presses her hands to her face before dropping them and continuing. “You really thought that I— I did  _ that _ just to, what, fuck with you? You think I’m the kind of person who would— who would want to do  _ that _ with someone I didn’t like— just to—” She stops talking and turns away from him and no, no, no. This is all wrong. It takes her a minute to get herself together enough to speak. “I would have to be a very,  _ very  _ cruel person. To do that— to be what you think I am.” Her tone is ice, she can’t even look at him.

“I’d deserve it,” Ben says, and Rey raises her bloodshot eyes back to him. She really has been crying, he hurt her— worse than she hurt him, maybe—  _ probably _ . He made her think that he thinks she’s awful when he doesn’t— he could never, really. He feels sick. He sinks down onto his bed and lets his head drop into his hands. “I’m sorry, for all of it. For what I said to you last week I didn’t— I should never have said that. I was jealous.” 

“You’re bleeding,” she whispers, and he is, isn't he? His heart is bleeding. But then she’s sinking down next to him on the bed and taking his hand in hers and oh— he really is bleeding. Her little fingers touch the tender skin on his hand and he shivers. It feels good, like pain he can outsource. He’s pretty sure she’s just admitted to having feelings for him, and he’s pretty sure he’s ruined this already, so there’s no reason not to just be honest. She’s touching him and it makes him stronger. 

“I’ve liked you for a really long time,” he says quietly, and Rey trembles next to him, more hot tears rushing down her face. “And I just— gave up on the idea that you might— _you_ _know—_ a long time ago.” 

“Why?” 

“Because you’re  _ you, _ and every year you just got smarter and prettier and  _ better _ and every year I got a little bit worse and I figured, you know, I barely had a shot to begin with and,” he shrugs, “my odds weren’t increasing. For a long time it’s felt like everything takes you a little further away from me and it’s easier to pretend like that was what I wanted, too, even if it wasn’t.” 

“You’re so stupid,” she shakes her head, tracing her fingers near the broken skin of his hand, so gently. It makes electricity shoot through him. “I’ve been trying to get you to admit that you like me for  _ years _ .” Ben closes his eyes, regret, resentment, anger all taking precedence over any kind of joy at these words. “Oh and, so we’re clear,  _ not  _ so I could fuck with you.” 

She’s got half a smile on her lips now, and her hands are still holding his and he has to ask. 

“Did I fuck this up for real?” His voice breaks a little, which is embarrassing but not as bad as crying which he feels close to, so he’ll take it, but he has to clear his throat before he can speak again. “Did I ruin this?” 

“I don’t— I don’t know,” Rey says. “I think that depends.” Horrifyingly, Ben feels his eyes burn as he fights to keep tears in. It’s pointless, they start to fall, hot and heavy. “Do you really think that I— I’m the kind of person who would— who would delight in hurting someone else?” 

“No,” Ben says. “It’s not that, I never thought that— you wouldn’t hurt someone who didn’t— who didn’t deserve it. But I just— I know that  _ I— _ ”

Rey hums, cutting him off and her eyes are a little brighter now. “You really hurt yourself, Ben.” He’s nodding as she leans down and presses her lips right over the split skin of his knuckles, mouth open just the slightest bit. She can probably taste him, it makes him halfway hard despite everything. He doesn’t know what’s going on, he’s overwhelmed. When Rey looks up at him again, there’s a little bit of blood on her lip and he realizes it’s  _ his blood  _ right as her tongue flicks out to lick her lips. He shivers. 

“I’m sorry I’m an idiot,” he says when he can speak again, trying to smile, he’s still fucking crying. “I’m sorry I didn’t— didn’t just— I don’t know, tell you, I guess. Do it differently, do it all differently.” 

“Me too,” she says, and he realizes that she hasn’t seen him cry in like a decade, which makes this a lot more humiliating. He laughs, watery and humorless. 

“I do— I do uhm, care about you, you know? Always, no matter what, even if it’s not— if we don’t ever—you know, so,” he shrugs. “I’m just sorry.” 

Rey leans up and kisses him. 

The relief he feels is so instant, he huffs it against her mouth in a little gasp before his hands find her waist, tugging her closer. 

“I’m sorry,” he says again, between kisses, “I’m sorry I hurt you and I’m sorry I was so mean,” his mouth presses against hers in between words until he has to pull back to speak in a rush. “I’m sorry I was jealous and fucking stupid, I didn’t— I didn’t think you would ever want this— want me.” 

Rey looks at him. 

“I want  _ you _ ,” she says, and Ben’s traitor heart starts hammering in double time. Her fingers are on his face. “I wanna make you feel good.” 

“You do,” he says dumbly, but she’s pushing him back and straddling his hips again, like before but nothing like before. She’s still got the same clothes on, her coat is open and he pushes it off her shoulders as she settles onto him and leans down, gently rubbing her nose against his. Her face dips down and her mouth is on his again, where it should be. 

“I want you,” she says again, rocking her hips against his and he just nods, tries not to let his vision black out. It feels different like this, knowing she wants him. He can look at her without wanting to run, without feeling like he needs to hold back. It feels right, it makes him bold. 

He flips them. Rey makes a little  _ oomf _ sound as her back hits the mattress but she’s smiling at him when he covers her body with his, sliding over her. He’s hard again, and let’s his erection press between her legs, watching her face as he does. She blinks a few times, quick and close together as her lips part and yes, he likes this. He rolls his hips again and she bites her lip. 

“Ben can we?” She punctuates her question by pressing up into him. 

“I— I mean, you’ll have to show me,” he blushes deep red, ashamed that he’s still jealous of whoever she— whoever got to— 

“I’ll show you,” she says, and then she’s shimmying under him and tugging her clothes off. First her shirt and holy shit— she doesn’t have a bra on. Then it’s her leggings and she’s just in her and underwear, toeing off of her socks. Ben feels starstruck as he takes his hoodie off, his chest is bare beneath it. He doesn’t have boxers on or anything either, so he doesn’t take his pants off yet, just waits until Rey is mostly naked and then presses against her again. He can hardly stand to look at her, has to close his eyes and kiss her again because she’s just… “Beautiful,” he says into her ear. She shivers. 

Rey's hands start pushing at the waistband of his pants, and he lets her slide them down, helps kick them off. He’s got his eyes shut tight still, is both dying to and dreading seeing his naked body against her almost naked one. Just her panties are between them. 

It’s a lot. It’s really a lot. It’s Rey, and she likes him, and she’s touching him because she wants to and he can taste the memory of tears on her lips as she pushes her underwear down. 

They’re naked, and he’s on top of her, and they’re kissing. They stay like that for a while, just hot skin against hot skin. He can smell her everywhere and he’s never really smelled her, not like this, not cut with the musk of her pussy, which is wet where it rubs his thigh, his hip, his dick. He’s not sure where his dick is supposed to go, but he ruts against where he wants to be, where she’s the warmest,  _ hot— _ where she’s slick. Rey reaches down between their bodies, puts her hand on him and strokes him slowly, guiding him until he’s nudged up against her. 

“There,” she whispers, and he nods, looking into her eyes as he starts to push inside of her, notching his dick into her body millimeter by millimeter. She’s tight, suctioned around him in a new way and he can feel the contours of her hot little channel, the way his cock makes room inside her body by pushing her open. 

She’s breathing fast when he finally bottoms out, hands clutching at his shoulders. He leans down to kiss her. “You okay?” His voice is so low, so rough, he never sounds like this. Rey nods, shifting her hips with a small gasp and he kisses her again as he slowly pulls back. 

The drag and squeeze of her body is intense, the more he moves the slicker she gets, the easier it is to pull back and pump back in, the more he can make her gasp like that. Her eyes are bright with tears again but she doesn’t look sad. Ben kisses her neck, worms a hand between them to play with one of her tight, puffy nipples, begging for attention.  _ Rey _ , his Rey, in his bed, in his mouth, on his cock. 

“You feel so good,” he tells her, helpless and lost. “You feel so good, Rey, so good.” 

“You— you do,” she says, “you’re huge I— I feel stuffed.” 

“Does it hurt?” He slows down. 

“No, yes but no, no it’s good, keep going Ben please, don’t stop— don’t stop fucking me.” 

Bens balls draw up at her words and he starts to piston his hips again. 

“Yeah,” he says, “ _ yeah _ gonna fuck you, Rey I— I’m fucking you.” 

“Yeah,” she says and it’s barely dirty talk but it’s  _ true _ he is  _ fucking Rey  _ and the knowledge is just as heady as the feeling. 

Ben’s thumb leaves her nipple and his hand cups her jaw, holding her head as he picks up the pace. 

“Can— can you cum too? Like this? How do I— I want—”

Rey slides a hand down between their bodies to rub herself and she jerks when she does it, whimpering his name. Ben fucks her faster, losing his rhythm, hips pumping wildly. He can hear the wet, sloppy sounds of her body taking him, voiding him, taking him again. 

“I’m close,” he tells her, “can you— can you?” 

Rey nods and works her hand faster as he kisses her. She cries out into his mouth and her pussy squeezes around him; strong, rhythmic contractions that bring him right up to the edge. He pulls out of her as soon as he feels her cunt go slack, pumps himself twice and spills on her thigh, choking off a sob as she kisses him. 

After, he drops his weight back down into her and hides his face in her neck. He isn’t sure why but suddenly a rush of emotions hits him all at once, unlike anything he’s ever felt. The weight of the entire night, what happened at the party and his humiliation and resignation and then Rey— in his arms, and under him, and wanting him like  _ no one _ ever has. He tries to keep still and quiet when the tears come but his body shakes. He noses down deeper into her neck when he accidentally sobs. 

Rey holds him, he knows that she knows he’s crying but she doesn’t ask if he’s okay, she just hums softly while she plays with his hair and strokes his back until he’s not shaking anymore, until he has a handle on the tears, at least. He’s a little embarrassed when he lifts his head to look at her, but he sees his own intensity mirrored in her eyes and she kisses him. 

“Let me get—“ he leans over the side of bed and grabs a t shirt, bringing it between her legs and gently wiping his jizz off of her pale, plump thigh. She spreads her legs for him and he can see her pussy too, how it’s red and puffy from getting fucked.  _ I did that,  _ he thinks,  _ I fucked her.  _ He kisses her cunt, little kisses against the tender folds of her labia and then deeper. She uses her fingers to spread for him, and he licks into her hole. 

Rey runs her fingers through his hair before gently tugging him back to her. 

“It feels good, I just— right now I just wanna look at you,” she says, a little sheepish. 

Ben nods, torn between fresh arousal and curiosity and the desire to be held. Rey rolls onto her side and he follows, pressing close to her; nose to nose. 

“Can I stay?” she whispers. 

_ Stay forever,  _ he thinks. 

“Yeah, of course.” 

She nods, relief written across her face and he kisses her again because every second of his life he spent not kissing her was a waste of time and he has to make up for it. 

So they kiss for a long time, partly because it’s easier than talking, and partly because he thinks maybe it’s the best way to tell her that he loves her, since he definitely loves her and since he can’t quite say it. He thinks she knows, though, from the way his hands shake and the way she keeps looking at him and the way she shows him, later, how to rub her clit until she’s twitching and wet against him. 

When they finally fall asleep the first wash of pink light is breaking through the small, high windows, warmer, somehow, than dawn has any right to be, and brighter, Ben thinks, than anything he’s ever seen before.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
